HE SERVED ME BREAKFAST AND I ATE IT

“I met a man.” I shined teeth from ear to ear at my two home girls, “He’s perfect.”

And that, my buriful people, was a scam.

It all started out as the perfect Nollywood fairytale. Van Vicker meets Nadia Buari. Eyes meet and suddenly their souls are connected. Van takes Nadia on a date. Van kisses Nadia and makes her body dance like sweet akamu. Chai. It’s a day Nadia will never forget. That I, Bisi Folarin, will never forget.

I met my Van Vicker at my colleague’s birthday dinner. He was standing at the bar with a group of pompous chocolate-looking sweet chewing gum men. He was the only yellow-looking man in the group.

I didn’t care about him. Never did. My spec was and will always be Mr tall, dark and handsome. The kind chocolate that will be salivating in your body.

Guy, how did I end up with that yellow oloshi? Till today, I still dey ask myself this question, how? Why? When? Because of what? Na me chop breakfast for person wey no be my spec.

Before I forget, his name is Toluwatope Babalola— aka Babyboy TB. In case you ever jam this guy, run! Run for your life, my dear sisters.

Once you see one yellow Yoruba boy with fine beards, that’s him. No think am twice. That is Babyboy TB. Run!

Now, let’s start afresh. Let me tell you the story from beginning beginning.

It was a very refreshing dinner at Abbey & Pan restaurant. You know, rooftop, sweet music, cool harmattan breeze, sexy cologne, AMVCA dress competition and fine fine food. It was the night to live for. Class and nothing less.

Babyboy TB was the ladies’ man that night. Every girl that came for the dinner had eyes on him. Me, I no send anybody. My spec na my spec.

I was jejely sitting on my own at the bar, talking to our special birthday girl, when Babyboy TB came up to me. Birthday girl said this is her friend, Toluwatope Babalola. I smiled and greeted him.

Next thing I knew, birthday girl left us alone. I sat there, shaking from the cool Harmattan breeze. Babyboy TB’s first question to me was,

“Are you cold?”

I said yes. He removed his agbada and put it over my body. That was the first temptation.

Next thing, oga moved closer to me and touched my lips with his thumb. He smiled and said,

“Your lip so dry let me be the one to moisten it.”

He-hei! I looked at him up and down and burst out laughing. He laughed too, and oh boy, his teeth fineee. White and very fresh. I don forget say I like men with good teeth.

From there, we ate and gisted the whole night until the restaurant closed and pursued us away. I didn’t even realize when the birthday girl and all the other guests had abandoned Babyboy TB and me.

Babyboy TB collected my number and we didn’t stop talking on the phone until 4 am. If not I had work the next day, we would have spoken till day break.

As I entered my office that morning, first thing I saw were flowers. Fresh live red roses on my table. I shock. My co-workers all look me with one eye and said, “Bisi Mama! Your bobo loves you oh.”

Which bobo? Me that I have not dated man for over five years now.

I checked, the flowers were from Babyboy TB. I would have asked how he knew my office, but he probably got the hint when birthday girl introduced me to him as her colleague.

I didn’t thank him, instead I texted him;

I hope your girlfriend won’t come and beat me for sending me flowers.

He replied with, You can’t beat yourself, baby girl.

See me blushing like one fool. Because I was actually a fool!

Ode. I texted him back.

Ah, the walls of Jericho have fallen down. Did I just call him Ode? I am finished. Na me dey toast am like this?

Trust me, I played hard girl after that. Babyboy TB begged and begged me to go on a date with him, I refused. The walls of Jericho must not come down.

But somehow somehow, it just had to.

One unexpected morning, as I got to the office, I saw Babyboy TB waiting for me in the lobby. He was dressed in this sharp blue suit that showed this man came from Dollars, not Naira, USD Dollarrsss.

I don’t know if it was his Dolce & Gabbana suit or his Rolex wristwatch or his Christian Louboutin shoe or his Mercedes-Benz car key that made my knees go weak. But what I do know, the flash of money is the beginning of a woman’s mumu button.

Like joke like joke, uncle refused to leave my office until I agreed to go on a date with him. Persistent much? I likee.

I finally retired from my hard guy spirit and let my Jericho wall move small. I said yes to the date.

That weekend, Babyboy TB and I went on a date to Cilantro restaurant. Before I left the house, he called me to return his agbada from the other night. Mission accepted.

I wore his agbada to our dinner date.

With nothing under.

I walked into the restaurant, my naked hips swaying under the agbada, with my heels making koi koi noise on the tiled floor that leads to the entrance of the restaurant. My red lipstick glowed like red apple under the sun.

Babyboy TB looked at me from a distance. He could not take his eyes off me for one second. Of course, baba was amused by my appearance. But the longer I stared into his eyes, the less it looked like amusement, and more like hunger in his eyes. The kind of hunger that that makes a lion grab an antelope before it can flee.

I liked that kind of hunger in his eyes. I wanted to be eaten like that antelope. And I want him to roar when he does it.

The scenario was beautiful. Me and Babyboy TB sitting outside under the night sky. The yellow lights and tall trees surrounding the compound made it more beautiful. I Care 4 U by Aaliyah was playing over the speakers. We had red wine with three-course meal. The night could not get any more beautiful than this. Chai. Was I dreaming?

We spoke about everything in the dinner date; from work to family to toxic exes to our future to how many children we want. And just about anything that made my heart dance Zanku.

After the date, he drove me back home in his Mercedes-Benz car and parked his car in front of my father’s house. The house that I lived alone since my parents travelled.

“Wait here, let me return your agbada.” I said to him from the passenger seat.

He nodded.

Right there, I took off the agbada and handed it to him. He inhaled a deep sharp breath, refusing to move. He was taken aback by my action.

Your girl was naked.

I smirked at him and got down from the car. What he was going to do next was up to him.

I walked up the veranda to my house and looked back at his car. But the car was empty. As I turned around, baba was behind me. Standing too close. Extremely close.

He moved closer to me so that our bodies would touch. I could feel his eyes piercing through my skin. He lifted a finger and trailed it on my shoulders, and down to my bare back. My body was engraved by his touch. It wanted more of it.

Sensing my deep desires, he put both hands on my waist and pulled me against his body.

Then he kissed me. A soft slow kiss.

Before I could kiss him back, he pulled back and walked away. Just like that. He walked away.

He entered his car and drove out of my house compound without looking back. See me smiling like one fish. His kiss reset my brain that I could not be angry at him for walking away.